As she leaned down for one last look at her brother and best friend, she whispered “I’ll take it from here.”
With those last words spoken to Josiah on 12/24/15, came the responsibility of, well….just living. A task that, at one point, she even tried to make not happen.
Sounds simple enough. Just keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other. But what if one foot in front of the other was on the path to destruction?
We could see the fight. The fight AGAINST everything and everyone that could make the loss more bearable, but for so long, that’s where the fight was directed. The longer the battle, the more broken pieces.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?
As we approach year number six “AJ”(After Josiah- Every Mom knows that your reference of time changes after your child dies), this is the time of year that our memories and details of those 12 days rush in like a frigid wind, chilling us to the bone.
The bedside vigil at the hospital holding his hand, Sleeping on the floor of the waiting room after he insisted I go lay down, finding humor in some things, and excitedly anticipating a fresh start to a new life…on earth…WITH US.
But on day 12, Josiah DID start a new and exciting life. The BEST kind of life…for him. A life that never ends. Being in the presence of Jesus 24/7/365 forever and ever and ever…..The time reference is just an illustration to understand that it never ends. Pretty sure there aren’t calendars and clocks in Heaven. No schedules to keep. Just a nonstop party with the Guest of Honor, King Jesus!
There’s only one problem. We have to live here without him. How do we do that? How have we, individually and as a family, lived for the last 6 years with the missing puzzle piece that completes “The Moore’s?”
Tis the Season
We are in the midst of the Gift-Giving season. A couple of my daughters absolutely love wrapping presents. Special care is taken in picking out the prettiest paper and bows, in which to wrap the special containers that hold the things we want others to receive from us with love.
Sometimes our excitement hurries us into giving it to the person earlier than planned. Just last week, my Granddaughter, Scarlett, and I shopped for some unique presents to give her Mom for Christmas. With SPECIFIC instructions to “Keep it a secret” until Christmas, I dropped her back off with her Mom.
Within the 40 minutes it took me to drive home, I received Pictures and Thank You’s from my Daughter-in-law, expressing how much she just LOVED the gifts.
Scarlett was just too excited to wait!!
We are also in the Gift-Getting season. There is no doubt that some of you will receive a gift that may have taken someone special a while to find, but when you receive this treasure you’ll wonder how you’ve ever lived without it.
One thing’s for sure, we wouldn’t dream of receiving something so special, with the giver beaming in anticipation of your reaction, to have us just toss it aside and say, “I don’t think I’ll open this now. Maybe later.” The hurt that would cause the one who placed such an importance for what they thought you needed or better yet, WANTED you to have.
I Don’t Understand
When the above mentioned Granddaughter was 3, she came up with a phrase. It was usually after she did something she knew she shouldn’t do or when she could see my frustration escaping. Out of her adorable little mouth I would hear, “It be fine Nonnie!” In her mind, as long as those words were said, all would be well, despite the circumstances.
That phrase is still jokingly repeated many times a week in our home.
I believe Jesus, in His way, is also telling me “It be fine Nonnie”
So, to many that I know, this is a season of sadness. A season in which Peace is just a far away thought. But Jesus is presenting us with a gift that He wants us to open immediately, just like the gifts that Scarlett gave her Mom.
You may be saying, “I just don’t understand how I can have Peace when my heart is in a million pieces.” How can I get through the next couple weeks when it seems everyone is brimming over with Christmas cheer?”
How can a sweet friend speak at her son’s funeral a month ago? How did I speak at Josiah’s funeral six years ago? Certainly not in our own strength, but by taking God at His Word. I can’t explain it but I can tell you from experience that His Peace will carry you through the steps you must take.
I Love this translation of this verse on Peace because it’s not telling us that we have to understand HOW His Peace will guard our hearts and minds, but that it just DOES.
Receive His Gift
My youngest daughter has allowed the Peace of God to carry her through her roughest storm. She went from Fighting to Live to Focusing on Life.
That’s how we’ve made it these years. Sometimes Jesus calms the storm immediately, just as he did for the disciples, in Mark 4 when He said, “Peace be still.” to the fearful waves, but also recognizing that their will be storms that He will ride out with us through their entirety.
That’s the kind of storm in which we find ourselves after such devastating loss, but Jesus is in our boat, guarding us through the tossing waves.
Jesus has given us His Peace. Trust Him, take it, depend on it, and thank Him for a gift that we could not provide for ourselves
My Christmas Prayer for You
“Thank you Jesus that You are our Peace. Help us to experience this like never before, during these hard seasons of life. We are so grateful that we don’t have to try and figure things out, but just believe that you’re guarding our hearts and minds. I pray that You would bring encouragement to every hurting heart today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen”