Back in my homeschooling era, as the little ones started getting up for the day, they knew exactly where to find Mommy. In the sunroom watching “Enjoying Everyday Life” with Joyce Meyer.
The Lord led me to her book, “Battlefield of the Mind” during a particularly dark time years ago after one of many miscarriages. I had also lost both of my parents. Fear had become bigger than my faith.
The simplicity in her writing enabled my heart to soak up the truths like a sponge. Grabbing hold of God’s Word in a new and exciting way assured me once again of the Love He had for me. It also taught me how to cast down thoughts that didn’t belong.
I heard Joyce say a while back, “When you’re going through pain, while you’re still waiting on answers to prayer, when someone dies and grief consumes you, or whenever you can’t see through to tomorrow, the four hardest words to say are Jesus, I trust You.”
We all operate in some form of trust or else we wouldn’t even get out of bed each day. I also know that for every Mom who’s lost a child, just getting out of bed takes about all the trust we have to make it to the kitchen.
We’re knocked off our feet and if truth be told, really don’t care at first if we EVER get back up again.
After Josiah died, I realized how quickly our lives could change in a split second. I became a Mother consumed with fear, which really was a lack of trust. I constantly wanted to know where my children were and what they were doing every moment of the day.
We were living a John 10:10 moment, where the thief (enemy) stole and killed what was precious to our family. He wanted Josiah’s death to take out all of us. He wanted our family to exist no more! The enemy only wants destruction.
Do you ever feel as if you trust but don’t trust???
I trusted God to get us through the BIG Battle but there was that gnawing fear that I’d lose another child.
“Jesus I Trust You”
My husband and I walked down to the ocean for our regular morning routine. Reaching the sand, we were shocked that we COULD NOT see 5 feet in front of us! The fog had settled in and rested upon the ocean and shore like a warm fuzzy blanket.
We had a decision to make. Do we keep on moving or stop dead in our tracks, afraid of the unknowns ahead? Not sensing fear or danger, I pressed start on my stopwatch, determined to make it a little further today than yesterday.
Now obviously it took little trust to start walking, even in unclear conditions. The worst that could happen would be wet feet if we strayed too far in one direction. This was an easy trust.
But sometimes we do end up farther out there than we intended. How do we have the kind of trust from the familiar passage in Proverbs 3:5-6, that most can recite by heart?
I KNOW that I’m responsible for my own trust level and if I want straight paths my own understanding need not be part of the equation. Easier said than done, right?
While I want to be a ”For such a time as this Esther” I end up being a ”Lord, I have to see your hands and side Thomas.”
When Jesus was telling the disciples in John 14 about “not letting their hearts be troubled” and to “trust Him because He’s going to prepare a wonderful place for them”, Thomas pipes up and says, “We don’t even know where You’re going so how can we know the way?”
So Thomas was an “I’ll believe it when I see it!” kind of guy. Jesus, THE miracle worker, time after time showed who He was and what Power He possessed, yet when it came time for nicknames, Thomas was “The Doubter.” AND HE WAS WITH JESUS ALL THE TIME!!!!!
Esther was “Even though I’m afraid, I’ll still move forward.” while Thomas was “I need to see the evidence before I move forward.”
But Jesus loved Thomas like the others. Like He loves you and me. He understands our doubts. Our belief in His Love will straighten our paths and calm our fears.
“Jesus, I Trust You”
Wherever you are in your loss journey, be it years, months, weeks, or even days, there will be times when your conditions are unclear. The struggle is real because the world is real(John 16:33)
I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve pulled the above mentioned book off the shelf to read it again……and again. And never for one moment do I want you to think that I believe any book is above God’s Word.
He, in His Personal way at that time, was answering my desperate pleas for help.
But Jesus says, “Trust Me. I’ve got this!”(also John 16:33, my paraphrase)
Jesus is the One IN the fog, lighting our way to take one step at a time.
“My Prayer For You”
“Thank You Lord for loving us right where we are. We are so grateful that we can place all of our trust in You and not have to depend upon ourselves to get us through. We place our fears, our sorrow, and our unknowns at Your feet and say, Jesus, I Trust You! In Your Holy Name, Amen