Protector of Memories

I stepped out of my bedroom and immediately sensed something wasn’t as it should be. Except for a few dim lights glowing at the bottom, the remainder of the set had ceased to continue to light up Josiah’s tree.

The tree that became a permanent fixture in our home since 12/22/15, the day Josiah met Jesus.

Tears filled my eyes that the lights had lost their twinkle. Josiah’s tree is a reminder of the significance and importance of him. It holds the ornament that says, “Baby’s First Christmas” and a snowman with angel wings.

It is an honor to keep this focal point prominent and bright as I protect this particular memory.

That’s who we become when we lose a child….”A Protector of Memories.”

A big part of our family get-together’s is spent reminiscing and laughing about their childhood and the things they THINK I didn’t know about. I did!

They’re here in the present and I’m so grateful that we can create new memories together. Just this past weekend, some of us went to the gun range for target practice. I can assure you, my rusty performance will be the topic of laughs at the next cook-out.

I cling tightly to everything that reminds me of the incredible gift our third son was to our family. All we have are the stories we remember. No new ones.

No More Tears

In January of 2025, we made the decision to move. As exhausting and exciting as a new home has been, emotions were stirred within my soul that saddened me and quite frankly, didn’t know how to process.

As I began to pack up each room, I couldn’t help but wonder if Josiah thought we were packing him away. I even questioned if he’d know where we were going.

He even “hung out” with his sister’s for a few weeks. I explained instructions to Alyse as if a 2-year-old was going to visit Grandma for the weekend. And of course he was buckled up for safety!

I found myself trying to explain our decision, with the assurance that he would have a new home soon.

Our former home is the only home Josiah knew. The woods, the pool, the freedom to climb trees and roam as a boy, catching frogs and fighting off snakes.

Being the outdoorsman that he was, I’m sure he would be nice and say that he liked our new home but in his mind he would be thinking, “How can they leave a place that has over 100 trees and move to a place that has ONE?”

The Lord, in His Graciousness, has sent many God Hugs to let us know that Josiah knows exactly where we are.

I can’t say that I truly relaxed in my new home until Josiah’s tree was in it’s new place, at the top of the stairs in the landing.

Any grieving mother can tell you that the slightest thing can trigger a tear…..anywhere and at anytime. I’ve ugly-cried at Hobby Lobby, Wal Mart, and too many other places to count. I know you get it!

What brought about my ponderance of this post was the verse I read after the “non-light” issue.

One day we won’t have to fiercely protect the memories of our child or children not here with us, but we will get to live with them by our side once again. Their reality will become ours.

Though I’ve often wondered, even though there will never be tears of sadness or suffering, will there be tears of joy?

This is what we have for now…..but one day, all will be made right.

I’d like to hear about the ways that you protect your memories. Please share.

My Prayer For You

“Heavenly Father, thank you that we can look forward to the day, with hope and expectation, of being reunited with our children that have run on ahead. Please continue to comfort us down here as we experience the tears and pain of missing them and not getting to create new memories. Help us to honor and protect the beautiful ones we cling to. In Jesus’ name, Amen