In My Weakness You Are Strong

“Lord, My heart is in a million pieces. How am I going to survive this? Please help me! You are my only Hope!” I declare right now, “In this weakest moment of my life, You are strong!”

That was my desperate cry to God in the early morning hours of December 23, 2015. I replayed the disastrous life altering events over and over in my mind. “HANG ON BABY! HELP IS COMING! KEEP BREATHING! PLEASE DON”T LEAVE US!” Feeling angry because help was taking too long to arrive. Why didn’t we put him in the car and take him to the hospital ourselves? The frightened look in his eyes that was pleading, “Mom, please help me!” as each breath became farther apart. Mom’s fix things. That’s what we do. But this time I couldn’t fix it. Couldn’t make it better. As tears flowed from my swollen eyes, I just couldn’t bring myself to admit he was gone.

But It’s Christmas

Our 23 year old son, Josiah, had gone to Heaven the day before. On an unusually warm and sunny December afternoon, when we should’ve been shopping for Stocking Stuffers and anticipating the excitement of our young grandchildren, I held his hand for the last time on this earth.

There were funeral arrangements to make. “God, I don’t want to write my son’s obituary or make musical selections. I’d rather not pick out an urn right now. And before I forget, Mr. Director, could I please have locks of his hair?” Josiah was very meticulous about his past shoulder length blonde hair. Kidding him all the time because his hair was way prettier than mine, even though I paid for Hi and Lo Lights. “Lord, Your strength is going to have to do what I can’t!”

Standing at the podium, I was humbled by the crowd that came to pay their respects. There was never a doubt that my husband and I wouldn’t speak at the funeral. I bowed my head and prayed, “Lord, in my weakness you are strong. Please give me the Grace and Power to share Josiah’s story in a way that others will know what a true and loving gift he has been to us. I believe you will Lord.”

Upon lifting my head, a Peace flood filled my soul. God’s Spirit gently saying, “You’ve got this! You’re his Mama and no one knew him better.” I shared how he was named for Good King Josiah from the Bible. Laughed about his love of rare steak,( like put a band aid on it and save the cow’s life), Blue Cheese, and Jalapeno’s. I spoke of his kind and generous heart that would give you the last dollar he owned. How much his little niece’s loved their “Uncle ‘Siah” and that measure of love reciprocated to the moon and back. About how he referred to his USMC brother as his “Hero” and finished up by stating, “We are a REAL family dealing with this REAL issue, but we serve a REAL JESUS!!”

No Limits On Our Cries For Help

Weeks into my new journey of living life with part of my heart in Heaven, I was crying out to God, which I did on a frequent basis. By the way, there is no limit on how many times we can cry out to Him. “God, my heart is shattered! How can I do this!” The Holy Spirit sweetly replied, “Just get up and put your feet on the floor. I’ll take it from there.” So, I got up, declaring by Faith, not feelings, “In my weakness You are strong.” I made it through that day, and the next, and the next.

Paul wrote this passage in 2 Corinthians 12, begging God to take away a pain. God’s response was, “My Grace is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” Paul had first hand experience, that even in HIS weakness, the Power of Christ was still working through him.

Are there situations in your life that are a “pain?” Do you have “God, I just can’t get up!” days?” Maybe it’s everyday. Are you facing “difficulties” that, in this moment, seem unsurvivable? Cry out to the Loving and Attentive Father. Tell Him how weak you feel and that you need His Strength. Just like Paul, “His Power will get the job done in your weakness!”

We Are Covered

Over the last 4 years I am living proof that His Grace and Power will cover your every moment. Those “Firsts” without them. Earthly Birthday’s, Heavenly Birthday’s, Holidays, and all of the In-Between Days. The Second year, Third year and so on. No matter how long the time frame. I’m probably correct in saying that each person reading this has someone they miss so badly, that they physically ache. I’m right there with you sweet friend. I encourage you to cry out to Him in your pain. His Grace and Strength will rush in. WE ARE COVERED!

The back deck is my favorite place for Quiet Time, or as my Granddaughter calls it, “My Jesus Stuff.” Looking down into the woods, I can almost hear the laughter that resonated from 4 adventurous little boys who were rarely afraid to take on a dare. The minute school was completed each day, they would take off, seeing who could make it to the creek and woods the fastest. Lunch was usually in the tree house, which was adorned with the sign, “As For Me And My Tree, We Will Serve The Lord.”

Everyone, girls included, caught their share of snakes, frogs, lizards, and turtles. It became second nature that anytime I saw a Cool Whip bowl on top of the microwave, I would yell, “Please come get your snake!! No snakes in the kitchen!!” Two lessons, among many, that stood out from Critter Catching are Lesson #1-DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT try to take a frog from a hungry snake! Josiah’s hand testified to that. Lesson #2-Take the Frogs out of your pockets BEFORE your pants go into the washer. There’s more but I’ve tried to block them from my memory.

But there’s one thing Josiah could do better than anyone. He discovered at a VERY YOUNG age that he was able to climb trees with amazing skill and speed. I think he spent more time in a tree than on the ground. Of course, he would usually hear, “That’s too high! You get down from there right this minute!” He tried to pass that talent along to his baby sister, but after she fell and broke BOTH of her arms at the same time, it was never attempted again.

There was one day though, that I was very thankful for his tree scaling agility. Stepping out to the deck to see why he hadn’t obeyed in coming up for dinner, I frantically heard, “MOM, DON’T COME DOWN HERE! BEAR!!!” Sure enough, a Mama had taken her Babies on a stroll. She eventually went her merry way and never returned. Probably thought it was too wild and crazy around here! I like to think she knew these woods weren’t BIG enough for 2 Mama Bears:)

His Grace Has Always Been There

My walk down memory lane was to share this. Have you ever looked back and wondered “How in the world did I make it through?” I sure look back at those hustle and bustle days and go, “Whew!! Only by the Grace of God!” Your children may be requiring all of your attention at this stage in life. At night as your exhausted head hits the pillow, you thank God that you’ve made it through another day.

Unfortunately, for so many of us, we won’t be making new memories with our son or daughter. It’s in thinking back on what WAS, we realize that his Grace and Strength have always been there, helping us through. PLEASE don’t believe the enemy’s lie that you have to handle life in your own strength. God’s Power supply never runs out.

There are nights that I lie in bed and wonder what he’s doing in Heaven. Is my Mom bringing one of her famous cakes over to his mansion? He and my Dad are probably building something. Wonder if he’s hanging out with his brother’s Marine buddies, who didn’t make it further on earth? Or does he just sit at the feet of Jesus? Whatever his activity, I know that he’s experiencing a Joy that we can’t even begin to comprehend.

I finish my night with a whispered, “I love you Josiah.” As the next day begins, I declare my dependence on Him with “Thank You Lord that Your Grace is all I need. Fill me with your Strength and Power.” Then I get up, put my feet on the floor, and He takes it from there.

My Prayer For You

“Thank you Lord that we don’t have to live life in our own strength. I pray for each Mom that’s wondering how to make it through. May her heart cry out to You, declaring” In my weakness You are strong!” We trust You to help us put our feet on the floor each day. Help us to remember how You’ve helped us all along the way. Thank You for the endless supply of Grace and Power that’s available anytime we ask. In Jesus’ name, Amen”

Please let me know how I can specifically pray for you. I’m here for you.