The Rock Tumbler of Life

When our oldest son, Jarred, was in his early teens, we gifted him with a Rock Tumbler for Christmas. He was always a very crafty fella, making bows and arrows from sticks since he was a small boy, so we thought that’d be a good use for all of the rocks he collected. He loved the “Land” and stayed more IN the creek than OUT of it. His 6th Birthday Party was a Davy Crockett theme, complete with Coonskin Caps, Wooden Guns and Tomahawks, Bear Paw Biscuits, and an “Alamo” Cake.

Sorry, I slipped down Memory Lane there. Anyway, back to the Rock Tumbler. You take ordinary rough stones and place them in a “Barrel” with water and grit, which is a granular matter similar to sandpaper. The grit comes in different grades, Coarse, Medium, and Fine. The barrel containing the rocks, water, and grit is then placed onto a motorized rotator that tumbles the rocks, grinding against one another with the abrasive grit caught between them.

Sharp edges are worn off and surfaces are smoothed, but this isn’t an overnight thing. The rocks have to be tossed in the “Coarse” grit at least 2 weeks, the “Medium” grit for another week, the “Fine” grit for another week, THEN tumbled in water and polish for one more week to achieve the most optimum results.

FINALLY, after weeks of abrasion, you have shiny and beautifully polished stones that can be used in a variety of ways.

The point is, to see the final results, You can’t give up before the process is finished.

Feeling Stuck

Going through the most unimaginable pain that we, as Mom’s have faced, our lives can feel like we’re permanently stuck in the most abrasive grit of life. We wonder if the roughness is all that we’ll feel for the rest of our lives. Will things ever become smooth? Will we become beautifully useful….ever again?

I felt like this for SO LONG! Still do from time to time. Still, on some days, I feel like my loss of Josiah overwhelms the desire, need, and BELIEF that my life can contribute something shiny and good.

Now, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that when thoughts such as, “It will never get better, you’re too broken.” or “You’ll toss and turn for the rest of your life.” creep into my head, it’s not my Heavenly Father saying those things to me. Do I believe it sometimes? Sadly, yes. Too many times.

The Lie I Believed

When we were first going through the shock and loss of Josiah, I thought, for a brief moment, that my enemy would have some mercy on me. “We’ve already been through so much! We’ll just take this time to heal without major disturbances.” But the onslaughts didn’t stop! I couldn’t rest. I couldn’t grieve. One Hellish attack after another.

After a while, I got the picture. Somehow, I had forgotten the fact that the enemy…MY enemy, YOUR enemy, the devil, is prowling around, like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8) He doesn’t care how bad the pain is, he only wants to take advantage of our weakness and increase the discomfort. The more we hurt the more we break. This verse always makes me think of the poor Gazelle being chased down by the fierce Lion. All because the Gazelle gets distracted, usually by the pristine watering hole, giving the Lion opportunity to pounce.

I had to identify my wrong thinking, remind myself who it was coming from, and convince myself once again that someone that hates me isn’t going to be “nice.” In all of my pain, the alertness faded.

The Truths I Believe

1-The devil is a liar and the father of all lies. There’s no truth in him. John 8:44

2-Every Character of Christ, Love, Joy Peace, Patience,….is the total OPPOSITE of our enemy. Galatians 5:22,23

3-He screams loud, thinking that he can drown out the whispers of God. 1 Kings 19

4-God gave me the Armor I needed to stand firm, but I need to put it on. Ephesians 6:11-18

5-He knows the Power of God and trembles. All I have to say is “Jesus” and he flees. James 2:19, James 4:7

6-If we have given our hearts to Christ, we are HIS! The devil KNOWS he can’t have us, but will try every trick in the book to convince us that he can. John 10:28

Sometimes standing back and looking at the bigger picture is what puts things into focus. That’s the way this was for me. Grief is so many things, but one word that I think characterizes it perfectly is “Untimely”, meaning that in my grieving there’s been no timetable to end one thing and begin another. Same for you too.

It’s never God making me believe the untruths, but me allowing my thoughts to “go there” because emotions are fragile. I have to keep check on this DAILY!

We’re in the world, so we are always going to go through “tumbling“, or as it says in John 16:33, troubles and sorrows. But take heart, HE overcame the world.

In other words, the rock tumbler doesn’t get shoved to the back of the closet and eventually donated to the thrift store, like Jarred’s. It will be an ongoing process from time to time, just because we live in a rough world.

Finishing the Process

You may still feel the abrasions of the coarsest grit you’ve ever known, wondering if this process is ever going to be over. How am I ever going to take this experience and use it for good, much less something beautiful? You think, “My weeks have turned into months or even years.”

Sweet Moms, DON’T GIVE UP! Make sure you know which voice you’re listening to. Be Alert. God will bring you out of the grit because there’s another Mom who’s just beginning this rough journey, and she desperately needs to know that this grit is not her end. She needs to see that you’ve made it this far!

To the Moms that have shown me such BEAUTY in their process of loss; Debbie, Marie, Lori, The Grace Girls, and to the ones that I see and admire from a distance, I humbly thank you. You give me the Hope I need when I’m having a day when I don’t care if my process gets finished. I love each of you!

My Prayer For You

“God, thank you that we have Your voice. May we be so close to You that we would immediately cast down thoughts from the enemy. In the rough times, give us the patience we need to see it to completion. Thank you for the Mom’s that didn’t give up and that now light the path for others. Help us to be alert and to keep suited up. We’re so grateful that we don’t have to go through troubles and sorrow alone. In Jesus’ Name”