The Best God Has To Offer

We survived! Another Josiah-less Birthday. It’s kind of a relief waking up the day after your emotions have been through the wringer. Because the one you would give anything to celebrate with is missing. Only problem is that they’ll be missing forever on this side of eternity.

There are MANY days that the sting hurts more significantly…Earthly Birthday’s, Your OWN Birthday, Holiday’s, and one in which we’ll pray our way through in December, the day Josiah met Jesus face to face. And if I’m being honest, there are many in between “trigger” days where you’re living life as best you can, when all of a sudden, you feel like someone throws cold water in your face. Oh death, where is thy sting?? I want to scream, “It’s right here!!”

Mamaw’s Home Now

This year I know that the calendar didn’t change and July 12th didn’t disappear, but it snuck up on us, so to speak. I usually try to get “prayed up” for this day but we’ve been dealing with another life changing event.

Our hearts got a little sadder recently with the Homegoing of my Mother-in-law Margaret, Josiah’s Mamaw. She was fine one minute and 15 minutes later she was ushered into God’s Presence with the most Happiness her soul has ever known. Seeing her loved ones that she has missed so terribly within the last year, I’m sure Josiah is showing her around. Her passion was her Flowers and Butterflies and now she is literally flying with them.

Mamaw was famous for her Macaroni and Cheese. She made it every single time the kids were around. I watched her many times, and tried to duplicate it, only to hear, “This doesn’t taste like Mamaw’s!”

As I was crying on my daughter’s shoulder yesterday, she had this Amazing Revelation! “Hey, I bet Mamaw is making her Mac and Cheese for Josiah’s party!!” Through the tears we both laughed.

My Continual Personal God

In some of my most Agonizing days, the Lord has shown me some of the clearest things. Usually it’s when I’m crying out for God to just help me live here while part of my heart is in Heaven. I’ve shared of the revelation He gave me as I wrestled with the fact that Josiah died right in front of us. “Lord, please give me an understanding and Peace about this!!”, I would pray. I finally heard the Lord tell me, “When Josiah saw Me for the very first time, you were holding him.” I had to wrap my head around the fact that as Josiah saw Jesus, I was THAT close to my Savior too!”

Another way the Lord helped me in my grief was leading me to this scripture. As I pondered and meditated, it became so clear that, as parents, we want the VERY BEST for our children. You want the best for your son’s and daughter’s. God said, “Rest in knowing that Josiah has the BEST! He will never want for more or be disappointed ever again.”

It’s Both

Even though the Lord gave me clarity about that struggle, and I rejoice that Josiah is in the Presence of Jesus, I DON’T rejoice that he’s not here. Sometimes people think if we say, “I know they’re having too much fun to wish them back.” they think that we do a Happy Dance because we’ve lost a child. NOTHING and I say NOTHING could be further from the truth.

It’s just that in our suffering, we know that the tears are for us, not them. We do believe that Heaven is our final destination, but we mourn because a child that we carried and gave birth to went before we did. We cry and ache to see them again, to hug and hold them, all the while knowing that our son’s and daughter’s will never cry or ache again.

So you see, it isn’t happy OR sad, it’s BOTH! Rarely are our heart and head on the same page. That’s where the Holy Spirit has to come in and fill the gaps of emptiness and pain. And He does.

As I was praying this past weekend, asking God to protect my heart on this monumental day, I asked Him to “Help me use Josiah’s death for Life!” While at a Craft Fair, with my Memorial Gifts, God allowed me to meet several people walking the same road as us.

There’s no denying the bond formed from the same tragedy we have faced. In all of my busyness from our recent situations and what I thought was my unpreparedness to face the inevitable, God stepped in to say, “Hey, I’m here! I know what day it is.” Reminding me once again, “This Battle is Mine! Trust Me!”

Sometimes A Song

It felt good to be back in God’s House this past Sunday after travelling for two weeks. I was talking to a new friend when our conversation led to her sharing with me about her Dad passing suddenly a while back, exactly the way my Mother-in-law passed. We pondered the quickness of it all for both of them and the what if’s. I told her how God had been so Personal for me to describe how Josiah saw Jesus. She thanked me for giving her a comforting mental picture.

Next our Children’s Director read a scripture, which was Matthew 7:10. Random? Coincidence? Not for a minute. I know it was a Divine Appointment from my Father to let me know that I can have Peace.

By this time, my Josiah memories were flowing out of my eyes. We then went on to sing, “Where You Are”…I can’t get enough of Your Amazing Love…I can’t walk away…For I have seen Your Face…..I just want to be where You are…I just want to be near Your Heart……Holy, Holy, Holy…Jesus I Love You….

Just imagine it! Our Son’s and Daughter’s SEE His Face. Singing Holy, Holy, Holy to Jesus. Our children can’t get enough of His Amazing Love. A Peace washed over me as I closed my eyes and thought of the Joy in Josiah’s heart.

I knew right then and there that I could NEVER give him a Birthday gift that could compare with singing to Jesus and being in His Presence. So….Sing my Sweet Boy, Sing to Jesus.

My Prayer For You

“God, You are Holy, Holy, Holy! Thank You that you provide a Perfect eternity with Perfect gifts for those who love and worship you. We miss our Son’s and Daughter’s not only on the day of their birth but every day in between. Be our Lamp God. Light up our darkness(Ps 18:28) Give us a mental picture of our children singing to You with Joy so that our hearts can rest. In Jesus Name. Amen”

Please know that I pray for each of you, especially on the hard days. I love you! God Bless!