“Quiet down kids! Mommy’s favorite song is on!” With that said, I’d crank up the volume in our red 15-passenger van. When you’re homeschooling 8 children, lots of time was spent coming and going. Co-op classes, sports, art classes, church activities, monthly grocery shopping trips…you get the picture.
We always had music playing, but there was just something joyful about that Andy Williams song, minus the part about telling scary ghost stories. Never understood that. Other artists have made their version, but I just loved the classic. As a little girl, I knew when the “Andy Williams Christmas Special” came on TV, Christmas break wasn’t too far off. The excitement of it all!!
My, how things change. For the last 8 Christmas’s, hearing just one note of that song makes me do the opposite of what I used to do in the more jovial days. Turn down the volume completely! I can’t go back to the happier and simpler times the way that I want. A time when I would look in the rear view mirror and see my 3 oldest blonde-haired boys in the back.
They went through a phase of trying to go off without wearing underwear. They claimed that “The air could flow up their pants easier, thus keeping them cooled off.” We had our ritual of questions before we pulled out of the driveway. “Everyone buckled? Check. Everyone have your school supplies? Check. Boys, do you have on underwear?”
You may ask, “Why didn’t you check BEFORE you got in the van?’ Well….Car seats, babies, diaper bags. And besides, these were funny things that we’d laugh about later, which is what I’m doing now.
If I had a dollar for each time at least one of the boys had to make a trip back inside, I would’ve racked up some dough. That was then. This is now.
Seasons of Memories
I’ve seen this quote many times and it rings true.
“When a woman’s husband dies, she’s called a widow. When a husband’s wife dies, he’s called a widower. When a child loses their parent’s, they’re called orphans. But when a parent loses a child, there are no words to describe that pain.”
Losing a child is the most absolute and gut-wrenching pain that any parent can face. Dependence upon the time of the year that the horribleness takes place doesn’t make it easier. Whether it’s in the hotness of the summer months or if you’re spending your Christmas day writing what you’ll say at your son’s funeral the next day, the harsh and ugly reality is this …..We do not have them here with us!
This is the time of year that our family will replay in our minds the details that led up to our worst day. The hand-holding in the hospital, watching Hallmark channel together, and immersing myself in the verse that we stood on for Josiah. Each year, I try to gain new perspectives from the many ways that fear can be erased.
Elisha’s servant, Gehazi, saw with his naked eye how they were surrounded by the enemy. I tend to see things with Gehazi eyes more than I’d like to admit, but God gently reminds me the same thing that Elisha told frightened Gehazi, “There are more on our side than on the side of our enemies!“ It wasn’t until Elisha prayed, “Lord, open my servant’s eyes so that he may see.” that Gehazi saw what surrounded the enemy.
I have peace knowing that Josiah’s eyes were opened concerning his toxic relationship. He kept his eyes on what surrounded his unwise decision to continue on in that betrayal. He was freed from that fear.
If I would do nothing else but just concentrate on that one thing alone, I rejoice because that was a long awaited answered prayer. I got to see that transformation with my own eyes before Josiah met Jesus.
I know how hard it is to see past your hurts and fears, especially when everyone else is “Decking the Halls” and “Wishing You A Merry Christmas.” We are surrounded by our grief.
“Lord, Open My Eyes”
But what if this season, I ask the Lord to open my eyes to see beyond the tight grip of grief that is bound and determined to squeeze out all of the beautiful things that surround the ugliness. What if I don’t have the energy to even care?
That’s just when I’m going to have to trust God to let me use His spiritual eyes to see beyond my surroundings and circumstances until my own eyes are fixated on the one true meaning of Christmas. His definition of “Wonderful” that came from a baby being born through miraculous ways.
A baby that would save the world so that we could live. A baby that would make a way for us to see our own “babies” again one day.
A baby that guarantees that the time we have with them there is far outweighed by the time we had with them here.
That, my friends, IS “Wonderful!”
“My Prayer For You”
“God, there is no earthly way that we are able to get through these holiday seasons without your Heavenly intervention. We so desperately need your strength to walk us through. Open our spiritual eyes to see that there really are more on Your side than on the side of our enemies. Please surround every grieving Mom, bringing comfort to their hurting hearts. In Jesus’ Name.”