An Incomplete Mother’s Day

“Thank You SO MUCH for sharing your story with me Mrs. Moore. I’m not only going to visit my Mom tomorrow, but I’m taking a big gift too!” I replied, “But Sweetheart, to your Mom, YOU ARE THE GIFT!!”

This was going to be my first Mother’s Day since Josiah died. Still trying to survive, step by each God encouraged step, breath be each God given breath. One of the Holiday’s that I prayed I could skip.

We were back to some semblance of a routine, whatever that was supposed to be. Finding out each and every day that grief always had new surprises up it’s sleeve. Trying to help my youngest daughter’s grasp that they still needed to be HERE with us and NOT with Josiah.

I do not understand for the life of me how people cope with a life altering reality of this depth without God. Without His Strength to get us through each breath. Without His Wisdom to know what to do. Without His Spirit comforting our broken hearts. Without Hope that we will be united with our sweet children once again.

Play Ball

Softball was our youngest daughter’s sport of choice. She had previously played soccer and took fencing lessons but when she discovered softball she never looked back. For years, we sat in bitter cold and scorching heat to cheer her on. She had just finished a Varsity season of softball with our local High School and signed on with a travel team to play throughout the summer.

While on the field and hanging with the team, she had moments of forgetfulness that came from the pain and tragedy of losing Josiah. Please note that I didn’t say JOSIAH was forgotten. Far from it, as his baby sister wore #23 on her Jersey, the age when he died. Tears well up in my eyes at this moment, remembering her routine of writing a “J” in the dust on the ground and looking up toward Heaven each time she came to bat. We knew he was watching.

We will always thank God for what softball meant to her and to us as God used that as a tool for healing.

As any parent knows, when your child is on a sports team, there are fund raising measures. This Saturday before Mother’s Day 2016 found us at Wal-Mart, with Krispy Kreme doughnuts to sell. The Red Cross was also there for anyone willing to make a donation.

A Divine Appointment

Along with some of the other parents, I stepped up into the Blood Mobile. It wouldn’t take very long, and I’d more than likely have to have a doughnut or two to feel better afterwards. It started out normal enough but apparently something was a little “off.” They told me, “We’ve never seen this happen before. We’re going to let you go in and sit with John for a few minutes and try again.”

Sensing no alarm, I sat down in the little office with John, who was working away at a laptop. During our friendly conversation his phone rang a couple times and he declined the calls. After the third decline, he apologized, “I’m so sorry about that. It’s my Mom. She just wants to know if she’ll get to see me tomorrow. Personally I don’t know why it’s such a big deal!”

Immediately, I KNEW this was my “For such a time is this” moment. I may or may not have heard a harp or maybe a gong. You know the sound they hear in movies when someone has a revelation. Here was my window of opportunity to explain to this young man the importance of WHY his Mom wanted him to be with her the next day.

I started off by asking, “How old are you?” He replied, “I’m 23.” I began to tell him my Josiah story. A Mom pouring out the pain of losing my own 23 year old son just a few shorts months ago. “Just to see his face again. Hear his voice. Give and get a hug. Each Mother’s Day, for the rest of my life, will come and go without him being here.”

You Are The Gift

“So you see, it’s not about presents, balloons, or flowers. It’s just a Mom wanting to see and spend precious time with her boy. I’ll never have that again with my Josiah until Heaven.”

From the look on his face, I could tell that he sensed the importance of the conversation. In his rushed world where young people always see tomorrow, the next day, and into the next year, he understood why his Mom needed the here and now. He expressed his sympathy to me because I wouldn’t have Josiah to complete my own Mother’s Day, but that he had the opportunity to make his Mother have her best one yet.

Our last exchange is written above and my donation went smoothly after that. Do tell?? I thanked God that He gave me the Power and Strength to do what I had just done. In my weakness He was Strong. Believe me, I didn’t plan on that AT ALL. This was still so new to me that I didn’t talk about our loss very much, especially with strangers. A heart still in a million pieces, but God showed up in a Personal way.

This week especially, my thoughts and prayers are with those Precious Mothers that are shattered. For some, this will be their very first Mother’s Day without their child. Maybe they have babies in the arms of Jesus that their own arms never had the chance to hold. Other Moms will arrange flowers on a headstone that bears the name of a son or daughter, wondering why there has to be a date of death.

This is a such wearisome journey. Our hearts will never be complete on this earth again. No matter how long we’ve been on the road, we will, at times, wilt with weakness. But, Praise God, we can increase our Strength and Power through Him.

My Prayer For You

“Thank you Heavenly Father that you give us the Strength to face each day. I pray for every Mom who will feel the loss of their precious children, as the world around us goes on in celebration. Refresh our weary hearts and souls. Please remind us of the Hope of when we will be complete once more. In Jesus’ Name. Amen”